If you put me through a parenting examination, i'll probably fail it. Have i nursed the baby to sleep? Check. Let the kid eat in front of the tv? Check. Allow the kid to eat and play iphone? Check. Potty train the kid late? Check. Let the kid sleep late? Check. Still feeding the 4-year old his meals? Check. Oh well.
Of course, i do see the reasoning and benefits of avoiding the above. However, i've decided to chill and be cool with it. Here's how i think
I feel that these are lifelong skills that the child will eventually learn. So what if your kid was able to sleep through at 5 months? So what if your kid was potty trained at 1? My sonshine boy was late to do all that, but he eventually achieved it all. Is he worst off than your kid? Is your kid smarter than mine? Absolutely not.
I used to feel like a failure because my son was still nursing to sleep at 2 years old, still needs us to spoon feed him at 4 years old. But then again, have you heard a normal 35 year old man still needing to be nursed to sleep by his mother? Or seen a man bringing his mother to his business luncheons so that he can be fed by her. Enough said. So i figured, he will eventually be weaned off this baby habits. True enough, he was off the boobs naturally- no training was involved, no crying, no stress. He was just simply ready. Same for his potty training. Truth is, there were no accidents during the so called training. I deliberately waited for him to be ready to be off the diapers and the wait paid off!
To me these are not like behavioral issues or related to values/morals that need to be corrected early. These are developmental issues and sometimes cannot be rushed. Just like no one would rush a 5 month old baby to walk, right? So why insist the child to sleep through the night if he's not ready? If your kiddo is ready by 5 months, by means go ahead and train her. But what if she is not? Why introduce a young infant to stress just so you can have some rest? Sure, the experts say all 5 month olds are physically ready to be sleep trained but is yours emotionally ready?
I also get criticised alot because i allow my 4 year old to play the iphone during meals, because we're still spoon feeding him. I also get alot of 'You shouldn't' looks when i tell people my son sleeps late. Again, i felt like i was a lousy mother. But i've since taken another perspective. People do not know the hell we went through just to get the boy to eat. We had no choice but to let him sit in front of the tv, play the iphone etc during meals. WE HAD to do it. I mean, which parent would bear to see their kid not eating and under weight? And yes, i've tried starving him but believe me, it didn't work. I'd much rather he comes to the table happy and willingly rather than to have him come reluctant, tearful and stressed.
And who says a kid who sleeps in late is not getting enough sleep? Yours sleep at 8 but wakes up at 6. Mine sleeps at 11, wakes up at 7. Yours nap for 1 hour, mine...(are you ready?) 3 hours! Both gets the same total of sleep! The difference? Your kids get to spend less time with the working parent on a weekday (because yours sleep in early). Mine gets to spend some good time with his working father everyday.
Personally, there isn't any right or wrong in this. It's all about your family's objectives. For us, we refuse to put our kids through intense and stressful training just so we adults get some convenience in our lives. For us, we put his eating above everything else. We don't want a scrawny kid. We want our kids to sleep later so that they can have some play time with my husband (so long as they have enough sleep in the day) and not have him rush home everyday only to kiss them goodnight.
What's your objective?
