If you put me through a parenting examination, i'll probably fail it. Have i nursed the baby to sleep? Check. Let the kid eat in front of the tv? Check. Allow the kid to eat and play iphone? Check. Potty train the kid late? Check. Let the kid sleep late? Check. Still feeding the 4-year old his meals? Check. Oh well.

Of course, i do see the reasoning and benefits of avoiding the above. However, i've decided to chill and be cool with it. Here's how i think

I feel that these are lifelong skills that the child will eventually learn. So what if your kid was able to sleep through at 5 months? So what if your kid was potty trained at 1? My sonshine boy was late to do all that, but he eventually achieved it all. Is he worst off than your kid? Is your kid smarter than mine? Absolutely not.  

I used to feel like a failure because my son was still nursing to sleep at 2 years old, still needs us to spoon feed him at 4 years old. But then again, have you heard a normal 35 year old man still needing to be nursed to sleep by his mother? Or seen a man bringing his mother to his business luncheons so that he can be fed by her. Enough said. So i figured, he will eventually be weaned off this baby habits. True enough, he was off the boobs naturally- no training was involved, no crying, no stress. He was just simply ready. Same for his potty training. Truth is, there were no accidents during the so called training. I deliberately waited for him to be ready to be off the diapers and the wait paid off!

To me these are not like behavioral issues or related to values/morals that need to be corrected early. These are developmental issues and sometimes cannot be rushed. Just like no one would rush a 5 month old baby to walk, right? So why insist the child to sleep through the night if he's not ready? If your kiddo is ready by 5 months, by means go ahead and train her. But what if she is not? Why introduce a young infant to stress just so you can have some rest? Sure, the experts say all 5 month olds are physically ready to be sleep trained but is yours emotionally ready?

I also get criticised alot because i allow my 4 year old to play the iphone during meals, because we're still spoon feeding him. I also get alot of 'You shouldn't' looks when i tell people my son sleeps late. Again, i felt like i was a lousy mother. But i've since taken another perspective. People do not know the hell we went through just to get the boy to eat. We had no choice but to let him sit in front of the tv, play the iphone etc during meals. WE HAD to do it. I mean, which parent would bear to see their kid not eating and under weight? And yes, i've tried starving him but believe me, it didn't work.  I'd much rather he comes to the table happy and willingly rather than to have him come reluctant, tearful and stressed.

And who says a kid who sleeps in late is not getting enough sleep? Yours sleep at 8 but wakes up at 6. Mine sleeps at 11, wakes up at 7. Yours nap for 1 hour, mine...(are you ready?) 3 hours! Both gets the same total of sleep! The difference? Your kids get to spend less time with the working parent on a weekday (because yours sleep in early). Mine gets to spend some good time with his working father everyday.

Personally, there isn't any right or wrong in this. It's all about your family's objectives. For us, we refuse to put our kids through intense and stressful training just so we adults get some convenience in our lives. For us, we put his eating above everything else. We don't want a scrawny kid. We want our kids to sleep later so that they can have some play time with my husband (so long as they have enough sleep in the day) and not have him rush home everyday only to kiss them goodnight.

What's your objective?

Someone's got new shoes!!

6 Months and counting

At 5 months old, Chub chub has fallen ill 5 times! THat is like once a month! I don't remember sonshine boy falling sick this often when he was at this stage! Runny nose is the main culprit but the worst was her stomach virus. :(

As i typed this, her nose is running once again. Oh when will this drama end?

I digress. I am here to jot down her progress.

1. She's starting to reach out for things. Apart from her toys, she has started to grab magazines, newspaper and even big brother's hair. I have nominated sonshine as the best brother in the world for allowing lil' sister to pull his hair! He thinks it's funny! Her favourite thing to grab is hair. My hair. I swear if she's gonna pull my hair ONE more time i would just...just...just.........

Anyway, her grip is strong enough for me to exercise with her. I'll put her down on her back, have her fingers grip mine and i'll pull her up into sitting up position. SOOO FUN!!

2. She recognises faces and will smile gleefully at familiar faces until her eyes vanish from the sight of this earth! With new faces, she'd study them diligently and intensely. Once done, she warms up to them with big bright smiles!

3. Her fav person is not mama. Mama is the person she NEEDS most. But the person she ADORES most is her brother who can effortlessly and unknowingly make her chuckle spontaneously. But unfortunately, big brother couldn't care less about her. :I

4. She can sit up unsupported! WOOT!

5. She has been turning herself from back to front and now is learning to turn from front to back.

6. She HATES tummy time and would cry for help in 2 seconds!

7. We've started her solid feeds. She is willing to take up to about 3-4 small baby spoons of cereal and that is about it. She has opinions about apple puree...not a good one.

8. She gets bad bouts of rashes on her face especially. Once, i ate too much chocolate with NUTS and her face went swollen red. Oops.

9. She has learnt to settle herself in the car seat. Unlike the last time, she would cry each time in the car seat. There are still such days but there are good days where she could be quiet in the car to & fro. WOOT!

I think if it wasn't for the fact that ive got 2 kids, chub chub is easy to manage- in fact easier than her brother. For one, she can sleep on the go without any nursing aid. Daddy can carry her, she can also doze off in her carseat. Big brother needed to be nursed ALL the time which was super exhausting (but still ok for me since he was the only child then). She can be left in her exersaucer, bumbo seat for some time thus giving me some break in between. Big brother needed to be carried most of the time...i think.

I feel like i am going through the motion with chub chub because i now have two kids to handle. I think i was more affectionate with sonshine boy but with chub chub its just work. :( I don't know, perhaps i am being too hard on myself.

CRY IT OUT

I was first introduced to the cry out to sleep method when i had my first child. At that time, i felt whoever who created this method ought to be shot to death. Letting a baby cry on her own was just beyond me. I couldnt it do it. So, i adjusted myself, my husband, our lifestyles, our bed, my boobs etc just so that the boy can be nursed to sleep and as much as he wants.

Now that i have no 2, i thought i would hold the same opinion. But i was wrong. I just adopted the method and used it on her last night. I don't know why is it so different this time, why i don't seem to be strongly against it. I guess, perhaps, exhaustion has gotten the best of me. On top of that, i have now, not one but two children to mind. I dont have the luxury to twist my arms and legs just to suit one child.

That said, even if i turn back time, i still wouldn't apply the cry it out method on Sonshine boy. He was a different child. I knew, and still know, that it wouldnt work on him. In fact i think it would've backfired. If i had train him for say 2 hours, he would cry for that entire 2 hours.

So why did i allow it on babydoll? My hunch tells me, this method could and would work on her. She seems to be a tougher kid than her brother. Yes, she would cry her lungs out but i sense that she isn't as distress or stress as her brother would be. True to my instincts, it did work. Well, actually i might be jumping the gun here. I only tried once which was last night. Babydoll slept for  5 hours for the first stretch but woke up several times thereafter (in fact, it has become a habit for the past nights. She would wake up every 20 minutes after her first stretch!) She cried for less than an hour and eventually went to sleep. She slept for a good 4hours after that! 

My conclusion, this method, like any other parenting methods, is not for ALL types of babies. I think we should always carefully choose the method that suits our kids the best and not blindly follow just because so and so swears by it. Follow your instinct i say!

What is wrong with babies wanting to be carried?

I am probably one of the unconventional mamas around. I think it's got alot to do with the parenting books i read.

Any mother would probably heard of this or be an advocate for this advice: don't carry the baby too much least they'll get use to it. I don't believe in this nonsense. It doesn't align with my logic.

What is wrong with babies wanting to be carried? Think about it, the baby has been 'carried' for 9 entire months, safe and close to mummy. The world is quite a different experience from mummy's womb & can be a handful for the infant to download into her puny brain. Of course she cries to be carried, that's where she finds comfort and security from this crazy, noisy world. I tend to think the more we refuse their simple need to be carried, the more insecure they'd become. And on the contrary, they will cry EVEN HARDER the next time.

And dig this, research has shown that babies who are carried more often are those who cries lesser. It has been found that babies in rural countries, Africa, India etc tend to cry lesser than those in the West. Why? Because these babies are carried by their mothers almost 24/7. It makes all the sense to me. To babies, their mothers are safe havens where they feel most secure & comforted. Being carried by their mothers all day long, they feel safe and consoled.

Its a fact that sonshine boy cried much lesser than chub chub when he was an infant. Its also a fact that i carried him, had him close by, co-sleep more often than chub chub. Unfortunately, i don't carry chub chub as often & i dont co sleep with her- not by choice by forced by circumstances. And it is a fact that she cries ALOT more than her brother.

And i don't get it when people say we shouldn't give in to the baby's cries so easily. We all know that babies only form of communication is to cry. So when they cry, they are sending a message that they are in need. By ignoring the baby & leaving her to cry, what are we telling the child? That mummy will selectively come to her rescue, mummy doesn't care about her needs. As if the infant is mature enough to tell herself that 'oh i should not disturb mummy, she needs to rest'. DUH. How silly. How absurd. I think the way to go is to sweep the baby up as quickly as possible, before her whines escalates into heart wrenching wails. Why let the baby go through unnecessary stress?

I think City mothers like us need to re-think our parenting beliefs. We think we are so advanced & knowledgable but truth is, primitive parenting is the better way to go.

Unpredictable- that's how daddy describes chub chub. One moment she smiles at you ever so sweetly and the next she turns into a monster, wailing her lungs out. Well, she has the making of a typical woman. She needs to rant, whine and complain and boy, does she do it so well. :I Sonshine boy was much easier to manage. He was easily soothed and quite quickly too. But chub chub is different. If she's unhappy, she will need to cry it all out, nothing will calm her down. She'll calm down as soon as she's done 'complaining'. It's not easy to read her, she's a hard nut to crack. Doesn't it sound like a typical woman?! Daddy says one of mummy is enough, this house doesnt need two of me. :(

Chub's Sleeping pattern

As the weeks pass, it's getting harder to put chub to sleep. Each week, her sleeping pattern evolve- not for the better unfortunately. As a newborn, she slept so well but as she becomes older, it's getting tougher. No longer are her naps hours long, it has become minutes long. Now, she's taking frequent catnaps from 10-15minutes throughout the day. Everyday is a different story, one day rocking her is good, another day nursing and on bad days neither! 

The good thing is, she doesnt catnap at night but sleeps for long stretches though not yet through the night. Right now, she'd sleep for 5-6hours before waking up for her first milk feed of the night, then she'd sleep for another 3 hours before her second feed. Fortunately, unlike her day time naps, her bedtime is getting better. Previously, she'd wake up every 2-3 hourly and every hourly when it hits 4am till 8am. But these days, she seems to be dropping her hourly wakes even if so, it would only occur once in the early morn.

I've tried reading books from experts to see what i can do to improve. But as i read each book, i get myself more confused and concern. There are just too many varied and extreme recommendations, i just do not know which is the right one! Each methodology has its own 'fans' swearing by it. Yes, this happened to me even when i was babying my first child. Both times, i've decided to screw the books, screw the clock, screw what's right what's wrong and just follow my child's lead- though it is freaking exhausting. But i just refuse to put my baby through stressful sleep training or force her to conform to what the adults think is 'good or right'.

I am a supermom...or not

Sometimes i think i'm so capable.

I am a SAHM taking care of two young kids all on my own, with no help. Well, my mom comes occassionally but that's just once or twice a week and its not even the entire day. I  cook our meals (except dinner 'cos the hub cannot stomach my food-he's a picky eater not that my cooking is bad), do the kids and adults laundry, fold them and iron the hub's business shirt, mop the floor etc. I still try to squeeze in a homeschool activity or two with the boy. (You notice i left out washing the dishes 'cos that's the hub's job! HA!)

I surprise everyone around me, including myself. I didn't know if i was able to make it, but i did. I have been doing it for a good 3 weeks now and i dare say im getting a hang of it.

Sometimes i think i fail as a mom.

 I can't keep my temper in check and sometimes find myself snapping at the 4 year old. Poor boy, he gets the worst from me. At times, i think i wrongly yell at him. And im ashamed to say, i even yell at the little one who has no clue what's going on. Of course, i feel really horrible after each episode.

I am glad to say though, things have improved. I've been able to find my joy back and i'm working hard to make it up to the boy. Im very fortunate that despite all that verbal bashing from me, sonshine boy still remains cheerful. Till now, he hasn't displayed any sibling jealousy. As for the girl, she's probably sensed that im emotionally lighter now and that's perhaps why she's been smiling alot lately.

I guess, i can say we're getting the momentum? I sure hope so!

7 Weeks on....

They say girls are more interactive even as infants; they smile, coo and respond to you more than boys. I thought otherwise until chub chub hit 7 weeks old.

Chub chub has been smiling alot more these days. Or rather, she's very responsive whenever i talk to her. She would give me her widest smile, so wide that her already small eyes become smaller. She would coo back to me and look me in the eyes so intently. I love it, it makes me want to talk to her even more just so i can earn more smiles from her. Times like this, makes all her fussing so worth the while.

Sonshine boy was also a smilely baby. I remember he would smile at every new face he's eyes set upon. Even today, my 4 year old is still flashing his sunshine smile. Never a day would go by without his smile. I've got a cheerful boy. I hope chub chub takes after him!

All that sleep!

Baby chub chub was born a sleeping princess. She was such a sleepy head that it was challenging to wake her up for feeds. I was even worried that she was sleeping too much! I could put her down to sleep easily after each feed, shift her from point A to B to C to D and back to A again without waking her up. But, this bliss didn't last long. Now at about 7 weeks, her sleeping pattern seem to be changing. She now has to be rock to sleep but wakes up within 5-10minutes after i put her down. It's driving me bananas! Swaddling her worked for awhile but now it seems to be losing its magic. She'd stir, kick her legs up and wriggle her hands out from the swaddle cloth and all that activity would wake her up from her slumber. There goes all my hard work! 

But im keeping positive. I tell myself at least she's healthy, at least im rocking her in the comfort of our home and not in the hospital, at least i've a baby to rock to sleep. Im in a far better place then some women out there so i should appreciate these challenges and stop complaining. But it can be a challenge itself to remain happy in the midst of all that fussiness! Crossing fingers that it'll pass over soon!

Welcome

This is a blog about my baby girl, chubby chub chub. She's born in April 2011, making me a proud mama of two! I have another 4 year old boy and both kids are rocking my world in all sense of the word! I'll be jotting down in this blog all about my journey with this girl, from her temperaments to home learning. So stay tune!